I'm supposed to be working on a novel right now. A real one, I mean. Not for NaNoWriMo. And I am! But I decided to write the first chapter all over again, and I can't get past the first paragraph. Those first lines set off the mood of the whole book, so they have to be right. Which reminds me of a few of my favorite first lines. I really wish I'd thought of these first:
10. Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. - Rebecca (Daphne Du Maurier)
9. I warn you that what you're starting to read is full of loose ends and unanswered questions. - Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Jack Finney)
8. Alice was eating grapes in the park when Herbert, an extremely well-endowed young man, introduced himself to her. - The Curious Sofa ((okay, maybe this one's cheating a little)) (Ogrdred Weary [Edward Gorey])
7. It is a sin to write this. - Anthem (Ayn Rand ((Don't judge me!)) )
6. We all knew nothing good would happen to him while the thief's widow had her claws dug into his flesh, but the boy was an innocent, a real donkey's child, you can't teach such people. - "The Free Radio" (Salman Rushdie)
5. My legal name is Alexander Perchov. But all of my many friends dub me Alex, because that is a more flaccid-to-utter version of my legal name. Mother dubs me Alexi-stop-spleening-me!, because I am always spleening her. - Everything Is Illuminated (Jonathan Safran Foer)
4. When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere. The Day of the Triffids (John Wyndham)
3. As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. - "The Metamorphosis" (Franz Kafka)
2. I am nothing but a corpse now, a body at the bottom of a well. - My Name Is Red (Orhan Pamuk)
1. There was once, in the country of Alifbay, a sad city, the saddest of cities, a city so ruinously sad that it had forgotten its name. - Haroun and the Sea of Stories (Salman Rushdie)
Why can't I write like that?
I turned 28 yesterday. You'll all be happy to learn that I received enough birthday greetings and presents to delay my inevitable village-destroying wrath. The gods of Katy Mountain are appeased (for now). Among the birthday loot was a DVD set of Dark Shadows: the Revival, which was great. Remember that show? Here's a brief summary if you're like me and weren't allowed to watch it when it was on the air:
VICTORIA WINTERS: My name is Victoria Winters, and someone in this house is a vampire...
BARNABAS COLLINS: Raaaaaaaaa! I'm a vampire! I've been a vampire for TWO HUNDRED YEARS!
WILLIE LOOMIS: Wull, gee, Barnabas. I'll be your servant. You don't have to go killing people and stuff.
DOCTOR JULIA HOFFMAN: Barnabas, I couldn't sleep last night, so I whipped up a cure for cancer. Oh, and your anti-vampire serum is ready so that you can stop killing people (and maybe love me).
BARNABAS: I haven't eaten a McRib sandwich in TWO HUNDRED YEARS! I love someone for this!
DOCTOR HOFFMAN: It's me!
BARNABAS: Victoria Winters is my long lost love reincarnated... from TWO HUNDRED YEARS ago!
DOCTOR HOFFMAN: Hold the phone. What?
BARNABAS: TWO! HUNDRED! YEARS!
VICTORIA: My name is Victoria Winters, and somehow I've been transported back in time...
And then suddenly the series becomes amazing (I'm serious; it does), after which the season ends, and then THERE'S NO MORE. That's it! Aaaaaa!!
I also acquired Criterion versions of some of my favorite Kurosawa films, ensuring that I am more awesome than everyone else who watches movies. All of the above plus the Moroccan dinner at Marrakesh made for a lovely birthday indeed. The end.
P.S. - I said there'd be more about Thanksgiving, didn't I? Here you go:
Yessss! YESSSSSS! I have done it! I've met the NaNoWriMo challenge! I bravely churned where no viking has churned before and something about hordes! IT SAYS SO!
50,140 words in 29 days, folks. Bam! Eat that! And other remarks that could double as exclamations by exuberant television chefs! Yes, I totally printed out the PDF certificate. SHUT UP, IT'S AWESOME.
(Oh yeah, and Thanksgiving was great. More on that later.)
Why haven't I posted in a while? I'm glad you asked, Bobby. I've been reserving my writing energy for NaNoWriMo. I'm 35,000 words of torture in! 15,000 to go! I've never written that much in my life! And no! You can't read it! Not when it includes lines like:
Which reminded me of my utilities. Were those paid as well? Surely not, I thought, but when I logged into my various accounts, I saw that all had been paid in full. I shook my head as if to wake myself from a dream. How had this happened? The obvious answer was that someone had been paying my expenses for me, but who?
WHO! HAS! BEEN! PAYING! HER! UTILITIES?? Find out when I've burned this manuscript in a bonfire!
Believe it or not, there's something worse than my writing. That's right. It's a Tab commercial.
You know, keeping your shape in shape has its rewards...
When times are tough, I look down at my notes at work and remind myself to look at the bright side: not everybody's tasks include extending a stabbing.
I didn't get a chance to post last night; I was watching election coverage with Doug, his roommate, and some psychics. (That story's not as interesting as it sounds like it could be.) So, here's my delayed response: YESSSSSSSSS!!! YES! YES! YES!
The best moments of last night:
Thanks, America.
Halloween was a fine time, and my Bonnie Parker costume went over reasonably well despite the lack of a gun or bullet holes. I don't have any photos of myself to share just yet, but I do have a blurry night photo of my neighbor's troll doll.
At least, I think it was put there by my neighbors, but I could've sworn I saw it move by itself a few times. That... that's crazy, right? I mean... DOLLS! Moving by themselves! HA! HAHA!
[EXPLETIVE]
Up past me bed time. I was making a cake, see.
Oh, and it's mint-chocolate-raspberry with marshmallow fondant and hel-looooo diabetic shock in case you were wondering.
Halloween is coming! HalloWEEN is coming! It's this Friday, and I've just put my costume together. I'm going as Faye Dunaway playing Bonnie Parker who's just been shot but before she's been shot as much as she was. So, it's like Bonnie Parker with just one or two bullet holes instead of twenty-five or whatever. As portrayed by Faye Dunaway. I'll... probably just tell people I'm Bonnie Parker. Because they'll probably have to ask. And they'll be like "Who's that?" and I'll be like "Bonnie and Clyde?" and they'll be like "Oh. Where's your gun?" and I'll be like, "Couldn't find one. Isn't it a sad world we live in?" and they'll be like, "Yeah. Did you try the party store in Hollywood?" and I'll say, "No, I didn't think of that," but it'll be next Monday by the time that comes up, so I'll just tell them I'll have to remember that next year, and then maybe they'll do that double finger guns thing. Yeah. So, anyway, I'll take pictures.
That's me! Except it's Faye Dunaway.
I saw a dead coyote on the road this morning, and it was a pretty gruesome mess. :( I don't want that image stuck in my head, so I made a new one.
Recent Comments
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The Black Market said:
Thank you! It was so much fun to make. Now I have a mountain of powdered sugar and marshmallow to... read more
on Attack of the Vampire Bride Cake -
Lilia said:
[this is good]Wow, your cake is absolutely gorgeous! Looks completely professional, and the white lilies are a nice touch. But of course,... read more
on Attack of the Vampire Bride Cake -
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GothicTemptress said:
Did you have a nice time with him? And a Dream Journal site? I'd love to see that. I miss... read more
on w00tage
wooooooo! congrats! read more
on That's all she wrote for NaNoWriMo.